


In the Safehouse

by surefireshore



Series: SurefireShore's Writuary 2020 [27]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Guilt, M/M, Post S4, Self-Hatred, The Eye Opens, mag160 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22501612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surefireshore/pseuds/surefireshore
Summary: In the safe-house, after the end of the world, Martin and Jon sit in silence. Martin thinks about how to help Jon. Jon thinks about what he’s done and what he didn’t do. Then, he talks about something he wishes he had done.Writuary Day 29: Crowning&Writuary Day 31: Bright
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Series: SurefireShore's Writuary 2020 [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589320
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46
Collections: Writuary 2020





	In the Safehouse

**Author's Note:**

> It was only after I started writing this that I realized the ritual in 160 wasn’t also called the watcher’s crown so . . . just forget about the prompt for a minute
> 
> so close to 1k and yet so far. enjoy this headcanon-dump.

Martin stares at Daisy’s beige curtains, drawn tight against the world outside. Three days had passed since Jonah’s statement ruined the world, and Martin had spent most of those three days replaying the scene he’d arrived home to.

After that awful, awful laugh, Jon had seemed . . . different. His voice had gone deeper and had an eerie new bravado. And his posture was all wrong – taller with an aura about him that seemed to ask Martin to look him in the eye. Somehow Martin had resisted. Almost immediately, Jon tried to push past him to go outside, and it turned into a fight. But Jon was still Jon enough that Martin was able to use his own size and strength to gain the upper hand.

He hadn’t meant to knock Jon out, but when he did, he laid him on the bed and silently read the statement that had fallen to the floor. Thinking about that statement makes Martin’s stomach twist with guilt and rage.

He can’t think about that, though. It won’t help Jon. When he woke up, Jon didn’t remember anything after seeing The Eye look back. So, Martin had shut all the curtains and locked all the doors. They’d stayed shut ever since.

Martin wished he could help him. Sometimes he would be the Jon that Martin recognized, sometimes he would be the Jon he didn’t, and sometimes he would sit like in a trance. When the trances ended, Martin never knew which Jon he would meet. The Not-Jon would always try to fight his way around Martin, strategically or physically, to get outside. Jon would never remember what Not-Jon had done, but occasionally he would see the effects and apologize endlessly. Not-Jon sat very straight and still and Jon curled into himself. Not-Jon would occasionally tear through the house in an attempt to see the sky and Jon kept his movements as gentle as possible. Jon also avoided reading statements, while Not-Jon consumed them like oxygen.

Right now though, while Martin stares at the curtains from one sofa, Jon is on the other staring at . . . nothing. He sits in one of those silences. Martin can’t know what he’s thinking about and is afraid to ask. Breaking the silence could mean facing not-Jon again. Then, a level voice reaches him.

“We should have done it, Martin.”

“Jon.” His voice is soft.

“We could’ve used spoons. Or acid, or . . . Melanie used an awl.”

“It wasn’t that simple.”

“Wasn’t it?!” Jon starts with a shout. “We had a way to stop the end of the world, and I didn’t take it because I’m too . . . too _selfish_ and too much of a coward to sacrifice anything that means something to me.”

“That isn’t a weakness, Jon. Not wanting to sacrifice yourself is healthy and _human._ ” Martin tries to be consoling, but Jon just scoffs.

“All the more reason for me not to do it. I think all the things you won’t tell me I’ve done the past few days prove that there is very little human left in me.”

“That’s not true! What about what you’re doing right now? Monsters don’t feel guilt, Jon.”

“Oh, please, Martin – ”

“Jon, we couldn’t have known.”

“I should have. Tim died to save the world, and because of me he died for nothing, I – ”

“No. Tim died to avenge his brother. Tim died for himself, not for you.”

“But he shouldn’t have died at all! The ritual wasn’t going to do anything.”

“Jon, you couldn’t have known,” Martin spoke each syllable as clearly as he could. “This is not your fault. Elias – er, Jonah designed this whole thing so you wouldn’t know. Of course we were fooled. You didn’t do this.”

Jon looks at him, but not in the eye. “The words came out of my mouth, Martin. I said them. Everything we did, all of it, played exactly into Jonah’s game. By stopping the monster that was Peter, we helped the monster that was Elias. By saving the world, we helped to destroy it.”

Martin doesn’t know what to say.

“And what’s the point of serving an all-knowing entity if I can’t even know when I’m being used?”

“Jon, you don’t mean that.”

He starts to protest but chokes it back. He swallows. “Martin, I . . . “

Martin wants so badly to look at him. To hold him tight and tell him that the world didn’t end for Martin. Everything he needs is right here. Everything he fought for is still here. Martin wants to look Jon in the eye and tell him he loves him.

And yet, he is afraid.

“I can feel that you’re afraid of me, Martin.”

Martin gasps and looks up. “Jon, no.”

“There’s no point in lying about it. I’ve ruined everything. I’ve hurt you, I’ve probably killed Daisy, I’ve betrayed everyone who ever trusted me, not to mention whatever is happening to all those people outside, and for what? All for the price of my eyes? God, what is eyesight compared to the fate of the world? What is a little pain compared to preventing the constant fear of seven billion people?”

Martin focuses on the cuff of Jon’s sweater. “Well, we can’t go back now. We have to either learn to live around what’s happening outside or find a way to fix it.”

At Martin’s pragmatism, Jon leans back into the sofa. His gaze returns to the floor. “You’re right, of course. I don’t know how I didn’t always see that you were the brightest one among us. If anyone can figure something out, it’s you.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was . . . so hard to write. 
> 
> Anyhow I fully do not know if the jon we know will still be there in episode 161 and this headcannon shows that. I can’t even pick one I’m just . . . . . . *screams*
> 
> Also, I tried v hard to work manipulative/cunning Martin in there but he just . . . didn’t want to talk about himself. Fucking typical. Just imagine him using his v v smart & good-at-lying brain to trick and trap Not-Jon when necessary.
> 
> Edit: 2.14.2020 wow i found a typo this is why we all need good editors


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